Addiction

Its a premature thought... how can a thought be premature? Well, you deeply think about what you thought, other wise it would be a shallow thought. Oh, that is why it is called a shallow mind. Yes, maybe. Anyway, it is a premature thought but I want to say it anyway. Sometimes we, as we all know, want to escape into that vacuum of nothingness, nothing, no anxiety, no joy, no worries, no tomorrow, no not even a next moment, everything on pause, not stop, not die, but on pause, for how much time, it doesn't matter, because it is paused. Yes, you see, quite intelligent. And we all know that that is not possible. I mean you cannot pause everything. You cannot pause the universe. But, ah there's the rub, you can pause yourself. And in that state of pause, the universe, with all your troubles in it, is increasing in size every second. I find myself sometimes watching something on Youtube or some movie or anything else, continuously for hours, till I fall asleep. Still half listening, half asleep, only to remove headphones in the morning. I don't really want to watch those videos, I have other stuff I can do that I like, like guitar or read. But the problem is, I think, that they are not  good enough distractions. If I do anything less than an audio-visual thing, my mind will reach back to the thoughts and disposition from what I wanted to escape in the first place. Is that what addictions are about? Ah, but this can all be shit. I might just be watching videos for, to put more simply, fun.